Monday, May 22, 2017

To Forgive

To Forgive
Laijon Liu 20170522

To forgive is a hard part
it tortures the living
and resurrects the dead

Friday, May 5, 2017

On Marriage

On Marriage

ohhhh, a touchy subject.

it's general to believe that marriage provides happiness, consummation of man and woman, or two partners, or 3, huh, but how comes marriage is a painstaking effort for some people that get ending not one survived another, but both sign the dissolution agreement after stipulation paper sign for contest or uncontested matrimonial relationship?

of course, we know love is blind and once we fall in love, we think two together can make world go around, and the court law clerks seeing me hold a stack of paper in correct order, 18 forms about 50 pages, she said: "well, hope this is the last time I see you, and I said to her, oh, no, this is not for me, it's my job." and she replied: "well, you can fall in love but never propose." but I think when we fall in love, then it's all too late. You have to go all the way.

Marriage and Children change people, some people do ask me why I look young, well, because I refuse to grow up. also the economy is huge factor for me to choose that particular path in the woods, poor young couple get marry is like two to play naked and afraid on cable tv, and a youngster to get marry is like a boy carry a shotgun into woods, shooting a bear or himself is about same percentage outcome, only rich and powerful get marry is union of corporation estate, if the contract go south then they can afford to break up.

Ancient time in China, marriage is state fair, this duke sends his daughter to that lord's  son, and  the pack is made by the emperor, too many cases listed in the  Spring  and Autumn Records, that's how high ruling class maintain their relationship and rank, but that method never really stop the disputes among them, wars break out all the time. Also one  note that the ruling class of every nation require their citizens to marry too, so male 17 and female 15 must be wedded, otherwise their parents will be fined and the local elderly will arrange a marriage for the young people, because only population  will keep up the crop worker, the farm produce,  and tax, and in war time the poor will hold  spear  to die serving their lords and dukes.

My father urges me to get married,  "Just marry someone with similar situation" that is his advice,  his sense is that two persons suffer together is better than one suffers alone. I asked my mom "do you want to go out with a guy like me?" she replied "No". Smart she is. of course, you cannot live with man who carries an abyss on his  shoulder,  dwells like David hiding in a cave never getting out, and cobwebs in his basement ceiling, and  fake skeletons by the corners to scare the new tenants. also, when American kids willing to move back living with their parents since last century? you never thought that would happen. and in this economy shape that House, Car, Children means two persons must have good career, but good career means good educations, means student loan  debts to pay in 10-20 years, and kids grow up, mortgage the just paid house for their tuition. Happiness meas price of pain and stress. In fairyland, there are two types of marriage, prince and  princess, and old fisherman with his nagging wife live in piss pot. I like Shakespeare's quote, Marry your mind.

most immigrant couples end divorce, they cannot handle the new environment, their children experience new perspectives about parenting, childhood, and marriage, they grow up either yelling  at their parents for channeling everything or move away, away from  their childhood pain.

For me, an unreal poet always draws marriage according to sonnets and diamond commercial takes, that's too poetic, in real life on Earth, happiness is a bottle  of cheap beer with a book for the evening, why we talk to our priest for an hour and he never mention about stack of  divorce forms we must read thru and file if the deal go bad? we should have our high school  kids file divorce forms in their class, so when they think they fall in love, they know it's not the feeling of singing and dancing in the rain. it only looks good on tv,  because we only see the highlights.

of course there are role model couples grow old together,  that when they are old they still have passion for a fight, shouting match for 10  minutes, but usually it just ends in 2 lines exchange, and next time they argue about a misplacing newspaper or milk carton that's 1 week later. 

Last, let's understand "Marriage Problem" from linguistic perspective, the "Problem" comes after the "Marriage". :)

oh, I am brave.


Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Social Network and Privacy

Social Network and Privacy

I don't have Linkdin account, it's been years some friends and relatives sent me emails thru LinkedIn to connect, and a few years ago I tried to sign up, but gave up signing on that page of phone#, working company, and nature of my work,  that time I was working at a busy sex toy company, a distributor in NY, daily helped picking orders, boxing and ship out 7-10 pallet, also helped testing the vibrators, handcuff keys things, it's not embarrassing, it's $12.50/hour warehouse job pay, that almost made me feel I was stepping into American Middle Class group, but it's kind of not social accepted by most people when they have someone friend who like me Linked with them, what's next? Porn Actor?! Prostitution? such career role on social network would never get laid, that environment is a black hole of Renaissance wall painting that depict day of judgement, one either has to walk among the classy dressed society or swimming in a mass of naked human figures, hell.

So I kind of give up the idea of join LinkedIn, not to embarrass my friends and relatives. I understand LinkedIn is a social network for working professionals, but the problem is that I am living Odd Jobs, I'm just a piece of work, I think most of people are not happy about what they do now, they don't want to talk about their work (money for food and rent) in public, but at least LinkedIn should give users some options to lie(the unsuccessful people like me, remember Cinderella's coach, dress, and bling bling obtained by magic? think again, yep, that's borrowed, stolen, got it from pawn shop that makes a Princess and shining! To dance at ball, we need dress and shoes), I would fill my career a Soccer Agent (I want to watch game 24 by 7 drinking beer), even tho I am still waiting for Messi to call me so I can make some money thru his next contract, also I would like to be a pop singer agent, if I sleep with Madonna I would take a selfie of me and her, load it onto every social network to make me proud. title it: Childhood Dream Finally Comes True!

That's how I feel about not to join LinkedIn, and I cannot reply to people's emails thru LinkedIn, I don't have an account, just like some other online money transaction network that requires credit card, I don't have good credit like our President. Also, I only check my emails 2/3 times a week, because early years I put my email online, now I got all advertising, porn messages, and petitions... and I got all the contacts and important emails there, I can't switch to another account.

Monday, April 24, 2017

The Exit Scene

The Exit Scene

"Oh, before I die, I'd like to confess to the Virgin Mary that I opened forbidden door in heaven. I've been so wicked by denying it all this time."
- The Virgin Mary's Child, Brothers Grimm

There are two, or maybe three scenes that are truly memorable for most people to experience in life. Two of them are set in hospital, parents bringing their babe into this world, panic, joy, tears and all that excitement in the labor room; and other rooms that occasionally stage the inevitable outcome for every patient to pass, family members take their turn to bid farewell, doctors and nurses are calm, and most patients seem know their time, they never struggle, and their relatives may choke silent sobs and consult with doctors in the hallway for the usual hospital proceeding after the death report signed.

There are things we keep for the last moment to say to our love ones, hmmm, to our relatives, and most of us either confess or praise, and rarely we swear to each other's face by the death bed say: "I wish you burn in hell!" or "Well, I guess I'll be up there watching you suffer then." like Confucius says: "a dying man's last words are for good." and it's truly stupid when we wait for whole life, for the last moment to confess, to ask forgiveness, or praise our loves, right. I never understand why people just wait? wait for what? No one is prepared for this mess, this fucking world. we are all hotheaded when we are young, we dream, we game, we taste new things, we go T-personalities, we fight for our 'faith'(whatever that means), and make babies... we make a lot mistakes, most of us fucked up living in this giant pyramid shape of resource distribution system, when the heaven pours that cataract of streams trickle down to random drops at the bottom hopeless class in most countries, and thinking of our parents, they were young and stupid too, they most of them were not as smart as we are, not matured as we are now, as our information tech leading our understanding about world and life. We are caught by our own device, our mad desire, become slaves of high tech, run around and serve our own products. There's no living manual to pursue happiness or to guard a safe place of hope, no cones ahead set to mark the potholes forward. Farmers unsure about weather, workers lose their factories, parents are helpless in front of their kids, struggling to play the victim/loser roles in current job-guarantee-home society. the roof is crack wide open.

And stupidity is that we see ourselves honorable that must hold our self-esteem in front our kids, that apology, truthful conversation, or those rare humane vulnerable moments that must come from outer universe in our existence, that until death (the Law of Existence) shatters our relationship we finally open up to pay the long past due debt, and for all that time, we make our love ones suffer, suffer for waiting, living in anger, dealing with unfairness for lifetime, people can be so selfish(stupid) that like this little girl even her three children taken away, they will not give up their stupidity, to just utter truth, say: "Yeah, I damn ate the forbidden fruits, it's sweet, delicious, I damn love it! Guess what! I want more! Hell Yeah!" or, Everyone wants baby, but living is hard, the world is cruel. Happy life for most people is not guaranteed. Is it fault to love, to be hopeful, to pass down the faithful seeds in this contaminated world?

And Why we wait for the last moment to give the power of speech, make that last moment dramatic, meaningful, that worth for npr story hour mic, when we spend lifetime deny, ignore? We don't win anything, we lose our countless chances to make our love ones happy.

There's no remedy for time lost, I bet that girl got gray hair like mine, when she smiled, she looked like she's crying. Virgin Mary gave back her children, for me it's the heaven I'm waiting for.

Friday, April 21, 2017

Hard Road (First of the Three Poem) by Li Bai

Hard Road (First of the Three Poem) by Li Bai
Laijon Liu 20170420

Gold cup and ten liter pure wine for ten thousand coins
jade platter served delicacies worth ten thousands too
but I put down the cup, drop the chopsticks, got no appetite
I draw my sword and look at surrounding blankly
Try to sail across the Yellow River
but ice seals its surface
Try to climb The Great Column Mount
but snow blankets everywhere
Or relax, drop a line fishing above the lime creek
But all of a sudden I again dream myself in a boat
rocking by the sun side
O, Hard Road, Hard Road
Everywhere there are hard rugged roads!
Where I’m at now? Where I can rest?
Steady wind breaks the waves, that should happen
Full sail into the clouds, to calm the troubled oceans!

I love this poem done by Li Bai, and I have read a few online translation done by fans, but seems not accurate. So I translate the whole poem here for readers to see Li Bai’s original composition style, his feeling, symbol terms meanings…


金樽清酒斗十千, 玉盘珍羞直万钱。
停杯投箸不能食, 拔剑四顾心茫然。
欲渡黄河冰塞川, 将登太行雪满山。
闲来垂钓碧溪上, 忽复乘舟梦日边。
行路难,行路难, 多歧路,今安在?
长风破浪会有时, 直挂云帆济沧海。

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

The Sleep and The Dance

The Sleep and The Dance

The Sleep
The first gift is virtue, the second, beauty, and every splendid thing( or talent) and all the best wishes for that princess, but she seems unconscious, seems dead, has never lived, falls asleep in a coma. One hundred years seem just a moment, and her whole kingdom falls asleep with her, they all eat, work and sleep, also do dream within a dream til that day comes they will realize they've never truly lived.

When she wakes, she suddenly enlightened that she was in a long asleep, even tho In sleep a king/queen, but waking no such matter, or in love or maybe in our self-love all along we chase, when we or any nation wake up from our pride, our self-identification, or the kings and the queens in their courts see themselves as commoners, then let go 'their' joysticks? when I start to realize that a victim can also cause so much pain, even more cruel than a monster.

A prince who dares, he is young, handsome, heroic, high horse and shining armour, a leading role for stardom, he is the sky-limit, and destined to fulfill the oracle or miracle, or break the spell... He is hotheaded, a foolhardy, sings tenor or falsetto, and wields his sword like his garden hose, to again save the day, wake the greatness of the past wonder... when we start to feel we are so special, more valuable than a bug or a fly, that we deserve the best and settle for nothing less.

How we rehearse our lines every morning, meticulously pick our fashion style, and pose again and again in front of the dressing mirror, and carefully exam ourselves before we step out of door, but I think I'm still drunk, not tipsy, just a little bit hang-over, or slight motion sickness from my wandering thoughts...

But so what if we are in a sleep? as long as we dream, right? and as long as we have good dreams, not nightmares? like we are all princes and princesses,we find each other, and share the same happily ever after ending. yes, thorns hurt us, but roses should grow in our bed.

The Dance
Put on the dancing shoes and glide
there's something about you
yes, maybe it's your crystal shoes
or maybe something else
that no one fits
yes, maybe it's your crystal shoes
or maybe something else
that makes the floor bright
no, it's not your crystal shoes
it's you, in ashes or in dirt
you always glow


Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Contrast Perspective of Hansel and Gretel by Grimm 1812 version

Contrast Perspective of Hansel and Gretel by Grimm 1812 version

A poor woodcutter lived on an edge of a large forest. He didn't have a bite to eat and barely provided the daily bread for his wife and two children.

Woodcutter was poor and lived by a large forest, but could not provide bread.
It seems the woodcutter could not live off the land(the forest) by cutting and selling wood. Woodcutter vs Forest.

Forest symbolizes an environment, world or city, that individual struggles with his skill(what he is good at and makes living), the forest is symbol of food source, plenty, also a death zone for Hansel and Gretel, dangerous, lost, a place where their parents abandon them, kids are on their own , if they run out of their pebbles which symbolizes kids' wits, or they stupid using their bread crumbs then they are in trouble.
the woodcutter, the man, the husband, the Father symbolizes the provider role for his family.

The Mother supposes to play the loving, caring role, but she is the character decides and forces her husband to push her children out into the forest.

The Witch, the ancient woman who lives deep in the forest, somehow the woodcutter never knows her cake roof sugar window bread house, and she holds 2 kids hands led them into her house also contrasts the mother, that bread house contrasts with the woodcutter's home (hunger, cold and fear, struggling home in a real world) but in the bread house 2 kids sleep full tummies in beautiful beds for the night like in heaven, and second morning the Witch also symbolizes evil and danger of the forest about to devour them, the dark side of the world, cannibalism[1]. And that world imprisons the kids till they are consumed, not like their home kicks them out when the pots are empty. Poor kids, Hansel and Gretel being so young and fragile have to struggle to find their home and cry bloody tear, wish they are eaten by the wild animals in the forest, not being tortured and frightened in that bread house.

Then the old woman called, "Gretel, come here right now to the oven."
And when Gretel came, she said, "Look inside and see if the bread is nicely brown and done, for my eyes are weak, and I can't see that far. If you can't see that far either, then sit on the board, and I'll push you inside, then you can walk around inside and take a look."
But once Gretel was inside, the witch intended to close the door, and bake her in the hot oven, and eat her as well. That is what the wicked witch was thinking, and that is why she called Gretel.
However, God let Gretel know this, so she said, "I don't know how to do that. First show me. You sit on the board, and I will push you inside."
So the old woman sat on the board, and since she was light, Gretel pushed her all the way inside, then quickly closed the door and secured it with an iron bar.

Hansel and Gretel are 2 kids sometimes witty and playful like cats, innocent and vulnerable like dove, they usually never last long in the forest, for them to survive and come back home with pocketful of jewels and pearls is truly a miracle and satisfying ending, but they have to do everything on the verge to save themselves many times, their sudden wits or stupid courage, or the wickedness they exposed to that they have learned, or luck, that they must play the strong role, not victims, to kill that witch, to survive that world.

[1]cannibalism: that man is considered as labor unit or other resource material, not as human being suppose to have basic living standard and rights. besides EU, there are about 15 million American children truly understand Hansel and Gretel folktale, and there are many children in our highly competitive global economy world see Hansel and Gretel is their story, thanks to Grimm brothers, and when I get on the NY Subway I wouldn't dare to look at passengers faces, they live and work in a jungle daily worry their work and life, they are the Hansel and Gretel toasted by the witch, they died in that oven long ago, they never grow up as adults, they fear, fear and constantly search for a solution to survive in this large forest. Exp:
Left-behind children: Link According to the 6th Population Census in 2010, there are approximately 61 million of Left-behind children in China, that is 21.88% of children in China. The 60% of left-behind children do not know the occupation of parent.The 30% of them can only meet parent once or twice a year, while 15% of them cannot meet parent once a year. Nearly 25%, which is 1.5 billion of children receive contacts from their parent less than 4 times a year.
Street Children: Link  
US Statistics on Poverty [Google Search Result] 43.1 million people (13.5 percent) were in poverty, including 14.5 million (20 percent) children under the age of 18. 42.2 million Americans lived in food-insecure households, including more than 13 million children.
Child Labor: Link
Migrant worker: Link


Saturday, April 1, 2017

Little Red Riding Hood

Little Red Riding Hood
Laijon Liu 20170401

Bloom, you flaming youth
And bathe in burgundy
Do not be faint-hearted, my little girl
Kiss that Prince of Woods

Stare into his golden eyes
And read his ancient tales
Granny is making her stew
That tastes like brave new world

Polish your long fingernails
Put on your silver fur coat
Lead your pack and hit the road
Make the nights boogie wild.

Tuesday, March 28, 2017


Laijon Liu 20170328

That moment you were shocked and paralyzed-
You turned the golden key
You unlocked the door of that forbidden room

You wished you’d never done that
You wished you obeyed him
You wished you never stepped in his golden coach

But it’s good fortune to live in a castle
Servants stand by, and many rooms to stroll
Curiosity is mind of appetite

And now you have seen his secrets
That dark room, old brick walls, blood
Hanging limbs, chained skeletons

Your lover is a courteous King, and a Doctor
He studies disfigurement and anatomy
He experiments philosophy of dreams

You can hear those strange noises clearly now
Night winds, swaying trees, crows beating their wings
And frightening screams in lightning thunders:

Look at his Blue Beard!
Look at his Blue Beard!
Look at his Blue Beard!

I love Bluebeard tale. it gives me climax every time thinking about the scene that young wife unlock the secret room. I am sure people unlocked some secret rooms in their relationship and there were signs everywhere on the first date, not something they disliked, but something that gave them creeps, but for some reasons they chose to ignore, such as bad temperament,  control-freak, chronic betting habit, or reticence,  or egotism never wrong always true huge character, thing/belief/principal that holier than love and relationship, or even life must be the sacrifice for that if needed, like this tale there's one room you should never access, basically the dude never trust you with his secret, that he is a monster, if he tells you or you find out then he has to kill you, but marriage is relationship of no-secrets I guess, I learn this principal from Hollywood films, soon or later you somehow gonna find out, then the thrilling drama comes, but I don't believe the young women's brothers could hear her loud screams, nor they could ride horses like thunders or fly like birds to be there on time to save her, and none of those dead women survived in that dark room, they all screamed for help, that's the truth, and that Bluebeard dude would continue, driving his golden coach to the countryside, marrying another young woman, bringing her back to his castle, repeating the storytelling. It could be a Wall St story too, like Tom Cruise's The Firm.

Wild Cross Reference: The Creation Tale - Genesis - Original Sin Tale
It's not once upon a time, but In the Beginning of the Time, when God created heavens and earth... fast forward to: God commanded the man said: "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden, but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you shall certainly die."... fast forward to: When the woman saw the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it, she also gave to her husband, who was with her, so he ate it too.
So what my saying is that you don't give the car key to your teens and say: "Don't turn the engine on when I'm not home." nor you give gun safe key to your kid and say: "just hold it til I'm back, if you ever open the gun safe and play with that loaded gun, then I'll surely ground you."
Bluebeard surely set it up for his young bride, that's his game of trust, if she fails, surely everyone would fail, so she must die. But I don't think God-believer would say God want people to die so he planted the wisdom tree there for men to sin, nor he's all knowing God was little careless picking an easy access spot there, I guess there must be some kind of interpretation of the Original Sin Tale, probably the tale is so old that our ancestors use to explain our death cause without any knowledge of disease, injury, aging, also explains men must plough, women feel birth pang, and their living conditions that time; also their moral sense introduced: Order(Obedience), Self-Consciousness(Shame,Nudity), Conscience(Knowing Good and Bad), Trickery(deceive.crafty), Fashion(Leaves,Hide), Relationship(Man and Woman must rejoin, the missing ribs symbol), Basic Living Concept(Life Hardship, Labor Pain) ... So our ancestor like the Ancient Greek Culture, maybe all people share the same Creation Tales, they need to explain their livelihood and surrounding whatever they don't understand thru making, editing and retelling their Tales.