"Oh, before I die, I'd like to confess to the Virgin Mary that I opened forbidden door in heaven. I've been so wicked by denying it all this time."
- The Virgin Mary's Child, Brothers Grimm
There are two, or maybe three scenes that are truly memorable for most people to experience in life. Two of them are set in hospital, parents bringing their babe into this world, panic, joy, tears and all that excitement in the labor room; and other rooms that occasionally stage the inevitable outcome for every patient to pass, family members take their turn to bid farewell, doctors and nurses are calm, and most patients seem know their time, they never struggle, and their relatives may choke silent sobs and consult with doctors in the hallway for the usual hospital proceeding after the death report signed.
There are things we keep for the last moment to say to our love ones, hmmm, to our relatives, and most of us either confess or praise, and rarely we swear to each other's face by the death bed say: "I wish you burn in hell!" or "Well, I guess I'll be up there watching you suffer then." like Confucius says: "a dying man's last words are for good." and it's truly stupid when we wait for whole life, for the last moment to confess, to ask forgiveness, or praise our loves, right. I never understand why people just wait? wait for what? No one is prepared for this mess, this fucking world. we are all hotheaded when we are young, we dream, we game, we taste new things, we go T-personalities, we fight for our 'faith'(whatever that means), and make babies... we make a lot mistakes, most of us fucked up living in this giant pyramid shape of resource distribution system, when the heaven pours that cataract of streams trickle down to random drops at the bottom hopeless class in most countries, and thinking of our parents, they were young and stupid too, they most of them were not as smart as we are, not matured as we are now, as our information tech leading our understanding about world and life. We are caught by our own device, our mad desire, become slaves of high tech, run around and serve our own products. There's no living manual to pursue happiness or to guard a safe place of hope, no cones ahead set to mark the potholes forward. Farmers unsure about weather, workers lose their factories, parents are helpless in front of their kids, struggling to play the victim/loser roles in current job-guarantee-home society. the roof is crack wide open.
And stupidity is that we see ourselves honorable that must hold our self-esteem in front our kids, that apology, truthful conversation, or those rare humane vulnerable moments that must come from outer universe in our existence, that until death (the Law of Existence) shatters our relationship we finally open up to pay the long past due debt, and for all that time, we make our love ones suffer, suffer for waiting, living in anger, dealing with unfairness for lifetime, people can be so selfish(stupid) that like this little girl even her three children taken away, they will not give up their stupidity, to just utter truth, say: "Yeah, I damn ate the forbidden fruits, it's sweet, delicious, I damn love it! Guess what! I want more! Hell Yeah!" or, Everyone wants baby, but living is hard, the world is cruel. Happy life for most people is not guaranteed. Is it fault to love, to be hopeful, to pass down the faithful seeds in this contaminated world?
And Why we wait for the last moment to give the power of speech, make that last moment dramatic, meaningful, that worth for npr story hour mic, when we spend lifetime deny, ignore? We don't win anything, we lose our countless chances to make our love ones happy.
There's no remedy for time lost, I bet that girl got gray hair like mine, when she smiled, she looked like she's crying. Virgin Mary gave back her children, for me it's the heaven I'm waiting for.